time for 130 pictures worth of non-progress cuz i messed up my ACR settings, effectively rendering the entire island sterile, and didn't realize it for like a week!!
so with marshalette, the princess of generation black, successfully wooed into the household it is time to award them with her dowry or whatever
behold, the list of winnable shit
well, that was kind of anticlimactic. but very useful!! we'll just stash that in tiara's inventory and pray she doesn't get creamed by a satellite or somethin
ha ha whaaat two pictures in a row of tiara raiding the bar? is this foreshadowing or something, you wonder.
yes. it is. that is exactly what it is.
tiara: hELP I CAN'T SIT IN THIS CLEARLY OCCUPIED CHAIR??
and yet u can apparently phase yr entire body through that easel no problem
yeah fine, you've got some spare cash
kablam. $3000 jewel-encrusted egg. also, $800 worth of dead butterfly to fulfill the painting want she rolled right after. can't say i never gave u anything, tiara.
skunk: nm, u?
bees: WE WANT TO BE PART OF THE CONVERSATION
tiara: /dreams of more useless fucking egg sculptures in a variety of colors
ok whatever we need something nice to brighten up the unfurnished nursery
how very dare you
their chemistry has improved a lot thanks mostly to massive attraction. normally the swooning is annoying but with them i think it is kind of sweet given that we started with a shrug.
uh that's nice tiara except for the fact that yr not in love with marsha??? and i'm not due to figure out why for several more days
no that's cool it's not like there's already a fucking tray full of alcohol right in front of you
tiara: jet school.
marsha wouldn't stop fussing about wanting to fish so i gave her a fucking radioactive lake in the backyard.
in those waters? good luck
marsha: boom, baby.
i stand wildly corrected
WHO DID THIS
crossandra: /walks a little faster
you want to know why the drinks on that tray are two different colors? because those are two different trays stacked on top of each other.
tiara: time to mix some more drinks!!
no it is nOT
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, TIARA.
look who found the fucking solid food now that they're not allowed to drink their hunger away
tiara: this cocktail sucks :)
take yr duckface and get off our fucking porch galena there are no papers left for u to thieve
they have decent chemistry these days and are super sweet autonomously
but no matter what tiara just wouldn't fall in love despite repeatedly rolling marriage/engagement wants. which meant it was time to hunt down the fucking culprit in my downloads
after seeing this a few dozen times i found the source: noinstantlove from maty. apparently by "instant" they actually meant none, at all, ever for certain sims, even when it makes absolutely no fucking sense??
anyway, tiara fell in love at first flirt once noinstantlove was expunged and all was right with the world. fuck noinstantlove, i only got it to cut down on the constant townie hookups and those are mostly harmless and funny.
marsha decided it was time to celebrate with a new fuck-receptacle
holdin hands, phasin through chairs~
makin out in public, attractin townie stares~
partially-cropped disapproving bear: /screams the scream of the partially-cropped. disapprovingly.
that is not flapjacks
marsha: duh it's flapjack-flavored ramen
what kind of fresh los angeles hell is this
yeesh you guys
marsha (shy) and tiara (mean) both throw such intense hissy fits when i direct them to fulfill the romantic wants that THEY ROLLED IN THE FIRST PLACE
but apparently two rounds of public sex is totally fine
sure, why not, let's waste the rest of yr money
tiara knows what this vacation is about
off they skip to a little island off the southern coast of st. dumpling's claw, so named cuz
it's kinda shaped like a catloaf! i imagine they had the non-blue sand imported. the satellites are ostensibly for the island's lone spa to provide free wifi to patrons
whoa, calm down. we sold that map like a year ago, no one's meeting any bigfeets
and thus begins the disease-like spread of the local gesture
holy shit, a relative of tourguide mcpastypants!
and also this assclown
we literally just got to the spa, marsha
tiara: hey i would like to blow all of my remaining cash on learning how to perform a useless massage??
masseuse: and then for your finishing move, drive an elbow between their vertebrae with all of your strength
that's good cuz pennies are all u have left
marsha rolled the want to screw in the sauna but captain interrupt-a-fuck here wouldn't stop trying to steal their remaining sixteen dollars until i physically deleted him from the lot. GO ROB SOMEONE WITH ACTUAL MONEY.
marsha: phew, i could go for an ice cream right now
tiara: i could go for being an ice cream right now
how are we already at vacation home when we are at spa tho??
marsha's pretty easy to please
marsha: HOLY SHIT, A BUG!
tiara: /bathes in their garbage tub on their garbage beach lot
marsha: HOLY SHIT, ANOTHER BUG!
speaking of bugs, this looks like some kind of hellish mutant spider cocoon straight out of my deepest nightmares
seven seconds later,
tiara: i should sunbathe
i remembered that she could comb for seashells to sell, to try to get some of their wasted money back
being tiara cakebread, a.k.a. a white hot ball of pure failure, she found about half a dozen crabs first
tiara: nature has a sting to it
what the fuck kind of clam is worth $430
don't answer that
apparently this was tiara "napping"
i thought her castle-making had been interrupted and tried to make her resume it but the only option was "destroy." that's it. that's the finished castle. bless her heart, she looks so proud of herself.
tiara: THIS MAKES MY EARLIER WORDS ABOUT NATURE AND STINGING ESPECIALLY IRONIC
tiara, precious, you don't have a ceiling right now
tiara: I DON'T CARE I JUST NEED SOMETHING TO BLOW AWAY THE BEEEEEEEEEES
the corner of their lot exploded with delight upon their return
vacation benefits gave them another temporary chemistry boost so now they're stalking each other all over the house, admiring the art around each other's heads
FUCKING?? HOW??? I FORBADE IT?????
YOU HAVE FORCED MY HAND, TIARA
tiara: fine. i will just nap-stalk marsha, then.
tiara: also, give me a tent. for tent-fucking.
at this point i was just trying to fulfill every woohoo-related want they rolled b/c i hadn't yet figured out that the lack of pregnancy was entirely my own stupid fault.
marsha: my god, will you just smell this grass
you have practically gone to culinary school, marsha, how have u never sanded a wich???
oops, looks like the endless loop of kiss-makeout-tubfuck finally caught up to tiara but luckily marsha is around to—
marsha where are you going??? what could possibly be more important than reviving yr heatstricken girlfriend??
marsha: wasted electricity is no laughing matter
tiara: MARMALADE GOBLINS
u ok honey
tiara: no ;~;
what will make u feel better
i sent them on a date and holy actual shit tiara
WOW, MARSHA. I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S EMBARRASSING TO BE SEEN WITH TIARA BUT DANG, THAT IS COLD.
(i have never seen that fear before in twelve years of playing this game and the description was literally something like "sometimes some sims don't like to be seen with other sims" it was so rude)
well marsha can just fucking deal with it
tiara honey yr vacation ended like two weeks ago???
THAT IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE WAY TO GREET SOMEONE
frantically distracts them with more pictures
she fucking lives with u, u stupid lettuce, where the hell else do u think she's going to go
aNYWAY i figured out what was wrong with my ACR settings, and there was much rejoicing
geoff the wolf: my god craig, this feels amazing on your rhomboid!
craig the wolf: positively genius, geoff!
marsha: fuck yeah
urge to commit foundricide rising
i think the random free shit is funny but i wish they didn't exclusively give u incredibly expensive electronics?? like why can't the "sample" be something hilariously useless like a pet brick??
marsha: man, did u know that trying to get pregnant makes u pregnant??
a shocking revelation
if we are ever going to fulfill tiara's golden anniversary ltw it is time for a shotgun wedding. marsha beelines for the beer b/c of course she does. the addamses do not approve.
time to drunkenly pick on the only game-generated townie
tiara: so like marry me or something?? i got u the nicest rhinestone in the whole pawn shop
meadow the game-generated townie: wow i'm not even part of this proposal and i'm unimpressed
shut up meadow no one asked you
or ... not? they canceled the get-married action to go make out behind the chapel instead
tiara: I҉̧̺̯̲̣͈͇͘M̛̦̲͇̬̀ ͓̤͠ͅŚ̨̘̻̱͎͎̙͎ͅÓ̭͙̤̜̖̠ ̵̧͚̥H͇͔͇͉̠͠A̺̫̹̪͕̲͉P̸̨͍̰͉̗P͓̜̖͕̜͔͢Y̵͙̭͙͙
so someone stole their wedding cake
meadow: /cackles into the night
a post-wedding hike ended in bees because everything always ends in bees in this legacy
tiara: zounds! is that a bluejay nest i spy in our gutters?
marsha: SWEET DUMPLING'S WHISKERS THAT BURNS
time to go sleep in the fucktent cuz it has exactly the same comfort level as their crappy bed apparently
yr pregnant as fuck marsha, get some more realistic goals
despite being a married romance sim marsha is actually pretty content. i can't fulfill her cheat-with-multiple-sims wants cuz it'll risk fucking up tiara's ltw but otherwise she's happy to just climb all over tiara all the time
tiara: i'm so fuckin hungry but i don't want to leave this cuddle
i know that feel, girl
jet school: niiiiiice
marsha: i know, right?
sTOP GIVING US FREE COMPUTERS??
tiara: question: what kind of bear is best
marsha: we're kind of diving into the deep end with this baby stuff, i mean i've never even had a hamster.
tiara: bears, beets, battlestar galactica.
jet school: bubberflips!
oh hey frolisch. i'm not sure why the almost-wives are hanging around so much lately. perhaps to gloat about not ending up in marsha's extremely pregnant shoes.
tiara: no sorry marsha can't come to the phone right now she's busy
tiara: HANG ON BABE I'M ASKING JEEVES HOW TO DELIVER A BABY IN A BATHROOM
with the quality of the internet on st. dumpling's claw, this might take a while